Archive for the Year in Review Category

How to hibenate an entire year and still somehow get shit done – 2017 in a nutshell

Most years have a narrative. There’s a story to tell about the things that happened, like lost and found jobs and loves, graduations, births, deaths, travels, surprises, dreams, failures, successes, new scars, etc…
My 2017 doesn’t have a narrative. I think I overslept this year. Hit snooze and went back to hugging the pillow, blinking sleepily 12 months later, surprised it’s over.

Seriously, I’ve slept for, like, 99,999% of 2017. And the seconds I’ve been awake I’ve been daydreaming about sleeping.
Here’s why: The last couple of years have been challenging, to put it mildly. So many life-plans have derailed in such messy ways that Matt Damon’s trouble in The Martian seems like a vacation in comparison (Lucky bastard! What wouldn’t I do to be deserted on a lifeless planet and grow potatoes in my own poo!). And being who I am – stubborn, not very good at compromising or settling for anything but exactly what I want in my patended all-or-nothing way – I’ve continued along the hard path, even when it has led me under the mines of Moria, across lakes of fire, and to that level of hell filled with hipster mimes talking at movies (…but with no wifi). Then one day my trusted companions hope, persistence, motivation, ideas, creativity, energy and ambition stepped into my office and demanded a word. Said something along the lines of “Boss, we’re f*cking tired, we’ve worked day and night for ages. Sisyphus have an easier job than us. We’re going on vacation, indefinitely. You’ll notice when we get back. If we do…” And then they vamoosed. Alone in my office I later got a memo from my body, saying “Heard what your emotions just did. Those guys are so effin’ right. I’m checking out too. See ya!

Strangely enough things have still happened even if I’ve tried my best to hibernate entire 2017.

When it comes to photography I have somehow managed to take pictures in my sleep. Some of them even got published on actual paper in two issues of the art magazine Endorphine Therapy Magazine. Big thank you’s to the editor Laurie Anne for including my work.

The kind people over at DeviantArt awarded me a Daily Deviation for my piece A Beautiful Death:

I also did a commissioned portrait session (I took pictures in exchange for renting a place, long live the barter economy!). I promised the model the pictures would stay between us, so you have to take my word for it when I say they turned out really good (I had an excellent model). But most of all it was fun! I’m the only model I usually work with, because I am always available, very cheap, and always do what I say; but I can both do and learn so much more when I am behind the camera all the time. I’d love to do more of these portrait shoots, so if anyone is interested, please let me know. I travel a lot, so location isn’t a big deal, and the whole thing can stay between photographer and model. I don’t care about stuff like gender or age or things like that, I just want to shoot carbon-based lifeforms. Are you one of those and want to model, give me a holler.

The best photography adventure of the year was when I got invited to Poznan, Poland for a collaboration with artist Ewelina Dudaszek. We shot in an abandoned train factory, in a lake, in a cellar, and around in Poznan, and I had a great time. And for once I was in front of the camera more than behind it. Read more about that endeavour and see the pics in my blog “Steampunk and stomach flu in Poznan

I really should do more collabs, get inspiration and fresh input, see new things, spitballing ideas, improvise, go nuts. If anyone feels like doing that, I’m game!
Most of all I hope my creativity will return from its vacation. I can shoot pics on pure muscle memory, but I really miss the creative process and having ideas.

About writing.
I actually write every day, because that’s how I pay my bills. But it is work-stuff, and you won’t be able to read it anywhere with my name attached. And work-writing is about making clients happy, not art.
But a lot of people ask me about the recent years lack of books, columns, articles, blog posts, captions and all that stuff I used to make a lot of. If I had a penny every time someone asked when my next book/play/article is coming, I could build a bridge to Saturnus made of diamonds. So I’ll try to explain the story behind this, and hope I can make a long story short…

Once upon a time I had so much stress in my life it broke me. Fun fact: long-term stress can mess up your autonomic nervous system and your body chemistry, causing burnout, severe exhaustion (the kind a good night’s sleep can’t fix, maybe not even a good year’s sleep), pain, illness, and depression. So all that happened. It wasn’t fun. And even if I got better it’s like a bum knee – put too much strain on it and it breaks again. I’m very sensitive to stress since then. And boy have there been a lot of stress these last couple of years. Like, I could export it to China and still have enough to give away to charity. So I am currently broken again. My energy-levels are… let’s say that a normal person sleep for 8 hours to be able to do stuff the rest of the day; my ratio is more rest 20 hours to have the energy to do stuff for 4 hours. I run out of energy faster than a phone with 4 326 apps running at once. And then there’s the depression. When people hear that word they think “sad”, but that’s a feeling, like when your cat leave you for someone else and you get down about it. Depression and sadness are two very different things. When someone depressed say that they are just that, people get it wrong and usually respond with something like “then use your pain to make art”. But depression isn’t a feeling. It’s an illness caused by chemical imbalance in the brain. A lot of things happen, but most of all your emotions fail. Not all at once, first the good ones malfunction, leaving you with the negative stuff like despair, pessimism, helplessness and anxiety; but eventually those falter too, and then there’s just emptiness. The kind of emptiness that make the dead space between the stars look like the front row on a Justin Bieber gig. There’s just … n o t h i n g
You know when you have a cold and even the most delicious spicy food taste like over-boiled cardboard? That’s what it’s like to have depression, but not being able to sense emotions instead of not being able to sense flavour.

I’m sorry for the long and dreary lecture on clinical depression, but I wanted to explain my lack of creative writing once for all. It’s not about laziness, excuses, writers block, or being too busy beating level 146 in Homescapes. Having barely enough energy to put my socks on, in combination with being totally dead inside, makes even writing a shopping-list with three items an insurmountable challenge. I can’t write any more than someone with a broken leg can run. My creative vehicle won’t go anywhere until I have repaired the engine and have gas in the tank again. But broken things heal. I will return back to regular programming when my broken parts are fixed again. Count on it. There will be words.


What about life in 2017 then?

Well. I am still technically homeless. I’m not sleeping under a bridge or anything (the trolls threw me out because I snored). I mostly do a combo of couch-surfing and short-term renting. I have once again slept in more beds than I can count. I know that sentence sounds very promiscuous, but the only time I woke up beside a strange face was when the cat Roman slept on my back (much to Roman’s human’s surprise, Roman doesn’t like people and generally avoid anyone but his human, which again brings suspicion that I am not actually “people”).
There are ups and downs with this way of living. The ups are the constant input of new places and people and impressions. It’s an inspiring adventure, stimulating my curiosity, and it brings a lovely perspective with a constant flow of new things. The downside is that beside my bag of clothes, nothing is mine. Not the furniture I sit and sleep in, not the art on the walls, not the cup I drink my coffee in. And I’ve always been very particular about those kind of things, accepting only unique, carefully chosen, personalised things with my mark on them. Living in places that are not designed by me or filled with my choice of stuff have sort of made me forget who I am and what I like. I feel like a garment that have lost its colour from being washed too many times.

I will probably get myself a home in 2018. There’s really no practical obstacles in the way, my biggest problem right now is that my heart isn’t in it. Too many derailed moving-plans have deflated my enthusiasm. But I think I will shop around for a place to drink my coffee from my own mug in. Any suggestions? It has to be a big city, not have snow in the winter (or at least not very much or for very long), and preferably be by the sea. I’ve lived in Sweden most of my life so I don’t mind living somewhere else, and my kind of work can be done from anywhere as long as there’s wifi.

And speaking of living abroad. While I was collaborating in Poznan I stayed in Poland for some time. We kind of get along me and Poland. Especially the people and the art. Politics, not so much. But I feel relaxed there. And Poznan was a very nice city to stay in. I suspect the winds will bring me back to Poland again…


I’ve been too tired and empty to care about what’s going on in the world 2017, but one thing that got to me was the #metoo movement. Back when I wrote my first book more than ten years ago (for you non-swedes – it was a satirical analysis of what it means to be a man, and the set of rules coming with behaving “manly”) the research and the writing of it took me from being just another clueless “not all men”-guy to being very upset about the state of gender equality and how we look at gender roles (especially the male one). I felt a revolution was needed. Now the first part of that revolution is here. Women have finally had enough of taking shit from men. Now the next step of the revolution is for men to stop delivering said shit, and get a new, fresh “How to be a man”-manual, because there’s dinosaur excrement on the old one. I really hope I can write about that in my 2018 year-in-review.

But it was a good year to be hiding from the world, because when I hide from the reality I hide in the world of art. And 2017 had some magnificent art, especially on the screen. Denis Villeneueve proved with his Blade Runner 2049 that you can make both astonishing, unique sci-fi and honour the original. Rian Johnson’s The Last Jedi broke the rules for what a Star Wars movie is, and took the franchise to the next level. American Gods not only was a great version of Neil Gaiman’s story, it was a unique show with a wonderful take on religion and sexuality (c’mon, how often do you get to see a show with a man swallowed by a vagina and with sex between two Middle Eastern men, and it doesn’t even feel provocative, just a natural part of the story). David Lynch have never been more Lynchian than in his revisit to Twin Peaks, and it was even more weird and wonderful than we ever dreamed it could be.
But the tv-moment for me was of course when Peter Capaldi passed on the torch and left Doctor Who. His Doctor is probably my favourite, and dead as I am inside I bawled like a baby when he uttered his last words, “Doctor, I let you go”, and regenerated. But for the first time ever the next Doctor is a woman. Finally! Jodi Whittaker is going to ace this one. She owned the first 30 seconds of the role. And you gotta love someone that delivers that first crucial line in such a thick Yorkshire accent that Oh, brilliant” sounds like “Branknana

But the best part of my 2017 is the people. For hiding from the world as much as I do, kind and interesting strangers sure do find their way into my life. They just pop up, and share their troubles, worries, stories, art, dreams, hopes, …even the end of their lives. And I am surprised, intrigued, humbled, and most of all grateful for that. They have reminded me that the world is more than the inside of my head, that there is fun to be had even in the dark moments, that loners also need others from time to time, and that we all are brothers and sisters and need to help each other out. Thank you strangers-becoming-friends, for reminding me what life is all about.


I have no wishes, resolutions, plans or anything else for 2018. I will improvise this one.
But I’ll do my best to not hit snooze this year too…


And now for my favourite music/books/tv/movies of 2017…

Arch Enemy, The Chain Gang of 1974, Flor, Handsome Ghost, Igorrr, MUNA, Olafur Arnalds, Pale Waves, The Rescues, SikTh, Spiritbox, Von Grey

Neil Gaiman: Norse Mythology, Grady Hendrix: Paperbacks from Hell, Caitlin R Kiernan: Agents of Dreamland, Philip Pullman: La Belle Sauvage

Okja, Dunkirk, Baby Driver, Your Name, Logan, I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore, Raw, Blade Runner 2049, The Shape of Water, The Last Jedi

American Gods, Ash vs Evil Dead, Broadchurch, Channel Zero: No-end House, Dark, Doctor Who, The Exorcist, Fortitude, Game of Thrones, The Gifted, Legends of Tomorrow, Legion, Lucifer, Philip K. Dick’s Electric Dreams, Stranger Things, Taboo, Twin Peaks, Walking Dead


Take care of yourselves, and have a really wonderful 2018!


Listening to: Eivor
Reading: John Constantine Hellblazer
Watching: Doctor Who fan edits
Drinking: Merlot

We’re all stories in the end. Just make it a good one – 2016 in a nutshell

Every carbon-based lifeform on this planet seem to be in agreement that 2016 sucked. And it’s been a hard and sad year, in many ways. A year that took David Bowie, Prince and Alan Rickman as an appetizer, went on like a school of piranhas with a binge-eating disorder, and finished with the grand finale of ruining Christmas by killing off George Michael, Carrie Fisher, and Debbie Reynolds (dying of a broken heart just one day after her daughter). 2016 wanted our tears, and it got a river of them.
But I think we mourn more than just people we loved and cherished. This is also the death of an era. The people we have lost became our heroes because they were themselves in ways most of us never dare. They had a rare oddity inside that they let flourish and bloom, we gladly let them, and in return we got the most wonderful art. They don’t make them like that anymore, and when we lose them now, we also lose the era of being unique, awesome, and true. Of singing your own song, and dancing to your own beat. That is perhaps the biggest loss of all.

This has also been a year when democracy got elbowed in the kidney by mean-spirited bullies. When facts and knowledge became useless, and the fakes and lies took the stage. When tragedies came in the form of truck attacks and sunken boats. When an ignorant, misogynistic, spiteful oompa-loompa got elected as a powerful world leader. When people fled war and death, and our response was to become selfish xenophobes. It’s been a year of suffering, bullshit, discontent, egoism, hate, sorrow, and bad sequels (I’m looking at you ‘Independence Day: Resurgence’). There wasn’t even a season of Doctor Who this year for fraks sake!!! 2016 was a stinky old diaper of a year, and it feels like there are so many reasons to feel despair.
But you know what? Let’s not. Let’s be wise and kind. Let’s be weird and hopeful. Let’s care about truths and facts and honesty. Let’s celebrate diversity and uniqueness. Let’s open our hearts and expand our minds. Let’s be better than this. We are not helpless – we are writing our own stories. Let it be a really good one for 2017, and beyond.

My personal life 2016 has been … let’s use the word ‘challenging’.
This story is still in the middle of the chapter, and I want to wait with telling all of it until it’s coming to a natural page-break, but it’s been a year in transit. I’m still on my way to my next destination, and the road is full of twists and turns, so the journey has taken longer than planned. Which means that I’ve been homeless this year. Not in the ‘sleep under a bridge’ sense of course, but in a ‘living in my bag and never staying long in each place’ way. I’ve slept in more than ten different beds during the year (most of them in southern Poland or northern Sweden). I feel like a touring rock star, but without the free booze or the screaming fans (so I guess I feel like a roadie).
It’s a strange and funny life. I’ve felt welcome and familiar in a place where I don’t even speak the language, and completely lost and alien in the place I grew up.

Navigating through everyday life has been more or less a full time job. I’ve learned tons about myself and about the world, and I’m very grateful for it, but at the end of the day it’s really exhausting. And it’s really been messing with my serotonin levels (hello darkness my old friend). When people ask why I haven’t written any book this year, I want to answer “for the same reason people don’t do math tests while riding a rollercoaster”. But experience is always valuable, and my story- and idea-storage is filling up to the brim. Once I get home and can sit down in peace, there will more stories than I’ll have time to write during my lifetime.

So my creative output hasn’t been the most impressive this year. You know when you open up Photoshop on your laptop, but the anti-virus software is already hogging so much memory and processor power that it’s impossible to run anything else, it’s only crashing or running so slow it’s basically not running at all? That’s how my mind’s been 2016. The overload of life’s troubles and worries have stolen all my processor power, and there’s been little left for the creative processes.
But since rent have to be paid and cheese is not free, I’ve done a bit of this and that. Most of it not worth writing home about, but there are some things that have been out of the ordinary. For very different reasons.

Let me begin on the bad end of the scale. I like to try new things. I’ve written for comedians and lawyers, created scripts for talk show hosts and programs for operas, written horror and social satire, and tons of other stuff. It’s fun and educational to jump around different fields. So I decided to dip my nose into this content writing the kids are talking about these days. What is this ‘content writing?’ I hear you ask. Well, it’s all this “Ten reasons why Hollywood won’t hire Jar-Jar Binks anymore” and “You won’t believe this hungover piglet’s reaction when it reads its horoscope” you procrastinate with when you should be working. The stuff that fills the internet. Now I’ve tried it. And … Worst. Job. Ever. First of all, it pays so bad I’ve would have made tons more if I had used that time to rob squirrels of their nuts. But the worst part was the deception. I love making things up, but then I clearly put a label on it saying “This is a story, I made it all up, it’s not true”. Now I’ve written positive reviews of things I’ve never touched, created travel guides for places I’ve never been, and much worse. I feel dirty. And I feel regret. This world has more than enough of deception, illusion and fakery. I’ll make amends for this when I find a really good way to do it, but for now – don’t believe everything you read. Really don’t!

On the positive end of the work-scale I got a gig that certainly should have been on my bucket list if I even had dared to dream about it. The Spanish publisher Quaderns Crema decided that of all the images in the world, they wanted to use my ‘Wheels of Time’ for the cover of their collection of Edgar Allan Poe’s poetry. Edgar fucking Allan Poe! I’m so proud that even my hair is doing the happy-dance. I can die happy now…

I’m also a bit proud of the script I wrote for this commercial for a last minute restaurant seat app/service. It turned out as a really cute and fun and positive little video. It’s in Swedish, but it’s a couple of seconds of fun for all languages.


Clumsy me managed to drop my camera in the ground, but I gave it some first class health care, and it’s up and running again. I’ve taken a picture or two during the year that I’m proud of.
The very nice people over at deviantART gave me a Daily Deviation for my picture ‘The Night Reader’. I’m actually very happy with this picture, because it was just a spur of the moment improvisation/test to see what could be done with available light, and it turned out better than things usually do when I think them through carefully. 🙂

My personal favourite of all the photons that have entered my camera is this picture. It has two of my favourite subjects in it – hands and water.


During years like this one it’s really good to have art as a hiding place from reality. There’s been a lot of really good music, books and moving pictures. Here are my personal favs:

Broods, Devin Townsend Project, Gojira, HANA, Immanu El, Killswitch Engage, Meshuggah, Moda Spira, The Naked and Famous, Periphery, Serpentine Dominion, Tegan and Sara, Voices From The Fuselage, Young Summer

Neil Gaiman: The View From the Cheap Seats, Matt Ruff: Lovecraft Country, Dexter Palmer: Version Control, Ken Liu: The Paper Menagerie

Kubo and the Two Strings, Captain America: Civil War, The Witch, Deadpool, Green Room, Arrival, Hunt for the Wilderpeople, Rogue One

Westworld, Class, Channel Zero: Candle Cove, Ash vs Evil Dead, Legends of Tomorrow, Lucifer, Stranger Things, Game of Thrones, The Man in the High Castle, The OA

So… 2017 is here. Here’s what I’m going to do with it:
Create more. Especially write more.
Experience glory and adventure.
Sleep for a month. Wait, make that two months.
Hug like an octopus made of glue.
Humanity disappointed me in 2016, so I’m going to try to be a better human 2017. Maybe it’s contagious…
Be as unique as I can. Sing my own song as only I can, even if it sounds like a bunch of tone-deaf cats having an orgy.
Cherish knowledge and facts. Be honest and true.
Be grateful. The things I love and care about the most are alive and well and still in my life. That’s all I really care about.
Go home. To where I can live, laugh and love. To where my heart belongs, and my soul is peaceful.
Finish this chapter. It’s a good story after all, with a wonderful ending in sight, and I can’t wait to get there, and tell you all about it.

Take care of yourselves. Be wise, be kind, be awesome, and have a really wonderful 2017.


Listening to: Tony Anderson
Reading: Thomas Olde Heuvelt: Hex
Watching: Sherlock
Eating: Cheese

Everything’s got to end sometime; otherwise nothing would ever get started – 2015 in a nutshell

Tempus fugit faster than a butterfly-fart on fire, and things change. 2015 was a year when a lot changed for me. A year of ending and beginnings.

It’s been an unforgettable journey. Slow, sad and dark at times. Wild, crazy and adventurous at others. Sentimental, scary, hopeful, refreshing, exhausting, fun, educating… you name it. But it’s all been valuable. Even the bad bits, in their way, because everything’s a lesson, and nothing worth having ever comes easy. (Except perhaps the male orgasm, it usually takes very little work, and is always appreciated by those having it)

One thing that ended was ye ole teamwork of Eriksson & Holmlund. It was a peaceful and friendly ending, and it will continue to be a very good friendship. No need for sympathies or pity or anything like that. But if someone want to buy me a drink I’m on anytime. I can’t for the life of me don’t understand why there need to be a breakup or something before friends can get drunk together, I’m sure it’s the hamster’s birthday or something we can use as a reason.
Anyway, besides friendship the digital publishing house Turtle Bite Books is also still a common endeavor, and new books are on their way.
Everyone’s fine, and life goes on.

I have moved. Or to be more specific: I’m still in transit. I should have put my bags down in London this fall, but since life is full of unexpected twists and turns, I haven’t. Yet. While me and my bags are on our way, I live pretty much everywhere. Most of all in Poland. It’s been an extremely healthy trip outside my comfort zone to be a stranger in a strange land, not knowing the language, or anything else.
Not knowing the language is an amusing adventure. Ever since I accidentally bought buttermilk instead of ordinary milk, and had the worst cup of tea in my life (it tasted like expired beaver puke), I have begun to use the Google Translate app on everything I’m not sure what it is. Problem is, as soon as the label isn’t in clear, well-spaced Arial, the app gets a bit confused. So far I’ve had soup with ‘dragon’ and ‘snake’ as ingredients, I’ve been instructed to add “a spoonful of monsters”, and the laundry detergent was “concentrated lawsuit”.
But dziękuję Poland for being a kind host. Your vodka is excellent, your artists even better, and your food prices that make it possible for me to buy a week’s dinners for what I used to pay for half a peanut back in Sweden has been a wonderful disaster for my waistline. Now, just get rid of those medieval blasphemy laws, remember what democracy is, and start smiling, and everything will be peachy.

And while we’re on the subject of Poland. Last year I discovered that pictures have a language of their own, tell stories just as words does. I also discovered that my pictures most likely spoke Polish, because I got a lot of feedback from Polish artists. With one of them, Ewelina, our common languages were so many and went so deep that the cooperation kicked in the door and didn’t take no for an answer. We are writing, creating stories, conjuring up images, composing music, turning dreams and fantasies and magic into reality. It just flows. It is very amazing to have found my kindred soul.
It’s all still work-in-progress, but expect to hear a lot from team Eriksson & Brzozka in 2016.

Lives ended. We lost legends like Leonard Nimoy, Robin Williams, Christopher Lee, Terry Pratchett and Lemmy. I lost people close to me. Some long before their expiration-date. Some that I even didn’t get a chance to meet face-to-face before they suddenly left.
Life isn’t fair. Never been. The only antidote is to always follow your heart and your dreams. Never wait, only live and laugh and learn.

I think that I finally defected from reality this year. You are kind of nice, Real World, I’ve always liked you in one way or the other, but you have lost your heart. I need a warmth and a kindness you don’t seem to have anymore. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to live in you anymore. But I’m sure we’ll see each other at some Christmas party or something. Take care of yourself!

I’ve written. Quite a lot actually. Some of it the most important I’ve ever put in words. Nothing ended up in any bookstores this year. But don’t worry, things will. Even if I will have to drop handwritten notes between the shelves in secret.

I took pictures. Only about half as many as last year (+10 000 jpg’s in my end-of-the-year backup). I must be making less mistakes. 🙂
I even got paid to do it (why can’t my hobbies ever stay hobbies?). The cartoonist/author Tony Cronstam needed new portraits, and I gave it a shot. It involved laughter, hugs, pastries and cognac. And good results. It was much too fun to be called work. But I will gladly do it again, if anyone need a portrait and a good time. Just look how pretty and happy I made Tony look. 🙂



If you want to buy prints on everything from hq photo-paper and canvas to leggings and pillows, I’ve set up a shop over at Redbubble.


I’ve taken pictures just for the fun of it too. I was going to pick out one favourite, but I couldn’t. So I picked out the bunch that both I and people that are not me seemed to like the most.

A Study in Blue

The Ghost of Me III

Loxia pytyopsittacus

I can touch the summer I can touch the dusk But I can’t touch you

Tears From The Sky

The Wilderness Beneath


I went to my Twitter-feed to see if it could help me summarize the year. I don’t think it did, but it’s a kind of a representative MRI-scan of that stuff between my ears that makes me have insane ideas and do crazy shit:

  • Just took +100 pics of colostomy bags. And what have you done today?
  • BB King once addressed Mick Hucknall as “Simply”, because he thought his name was Simply Red.
  • Word of the day: OORIE – miserable as a result of cold weather.
  • The blankets in my bed has accepted me as one of their own. If I leave I might lose their trust.
  • Today’s best headline: “Earth endangered by new strain of fact-resistant humans.”
  • Best poetry of the year came from a bad Chinese-to-English auto-translation on eBay: “Strong adsorbability, prevent the shift, water flow smoothly, Starfish shape adds funny”.
  • It’s sink or swim, and I don’t know how to sink.
  • Just had a beer that tasted like an iron fence, but in a good way.
  • Today I accidentally created the genre “erotic butterfly comedy”.
  • Dreaming summer dreams, because if you don’t dream, nothing ever happens.
  • There’s something about finding empty condom wrappers in cemeteries that always make me smile.
  • Just tasted the abomination of marzipan filled with salty liquorice. My suffering will be legendary even in hell.
  • I’m so tired even my pockets are nodding off.
  • Took a nap, and woke up from the fluttering of a lost butterfly trying to use my face as a landing spot.
  • The joy of reading a brand new Terry Pratchett-book. And the deep sadness that it will be the last time I do.
  • Things I’ve seen today: a fistfight, a butterfly, rats, tears, my own blood mixed with instant coffee, and hope in an unexpected place.
  • Planning and designing my next home. Realise that I probably will have to do all my shopping in Diagon Alley this time.
  • Sad me wanted to have cookies and brandy for dinner. Reasonable me said “No, fix things instead!” I hate being a grown up sometimes…
  • Instead of doing something that resembles work, I’m googling pillow forts. I think my hibernating instincts are setting in.


Enough about my life.
Here’s the stuff I really liked 2015:

The Agonist, CHVRCHES, Fightstar, Flor, Ghost Ship Octavius, Goldmund, iwrestledabearonce, Killing Joke, Lifehouse, Marina Mena, Outside The Coma, Periphery, Ryn Weaver, Soilwork, Twelve Foot Ninja, Young Guns.

Best Song of the Year:


Daredevil, Sense8, Jessica Jones, Doctor Who, Game of Thrones, Penny Dreadful, Hannibal, Sleepy Hollow, Walking Dead, Ash vs Evil Dead, Helix, Wayward Pines, The Expanse, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Neil Gaiman: Trigger Warning, Kelly Link: Get In Trouble, Terry Pratchett: The Shepherd’s Crown, Scott Hawkins: The Library at Mount Char

Mad Max: Fury Road, An Honest Liar, Ex Machina, Bone Tomahawk, Shaun the Sheep, The Little Prince, Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Best acting & best anti-war speech:
Peter Capaldi’s been on fire as the 12th Doctor this season. The man’s embraced the role like no one else has, and I’ve had to rewatch every episode because Capaldi’s been chewing scenes with such brilliance I’ve forgot the plot. In ‘The Zygon Inversion’ he’s not only giving a masterclass in acting, but also giving us all the reasons no one can ever win a war…


Well, you have a wonderful 2016 now my darlings!
In this coming year, I hope that you will laugh, learn, live and love.
Don’t wait – do. Tempus fugit really fucking fast.
Don’t regret. The past is just an old stick drifting away in the river.
Create something. If you had fun doing it, then it’s a success. And don’t mind if you suck at it, all art has a place (and others will probably love you for making them look good).
Use your brain and your heart all that you can. The world needs kindness and wisdom like never before.
Be nice. Be happy.
Today, and all of your tomorrows.



Listening to: Ine Hoem and Sikth
Reading: Molly Tanzer: Vermilion
Watching: The Expanse
Drinking: Havana Rum Coffee

The Kindness of Strangers – 2014 in a nutshell

Oh 2014, what am I going to say about you? In many ways you’ve been the worst year ever. In other ways (but not that many) you’ve been really good (mostly in making it really obvious what direction is wrong, but there are also some seeds planted that I really look forward to see what they grow up to be). You’ve been a trial, a sorrow, an endless in-between. But I’m not gonna give you too much crap before I can truly see what the consequences of you are. As someone once said: “Sometimes our lives have to be completely shaken up, changed & rearranged to relocate us to the place we’re meant to be.” So, I’m just gonna write down the first few thoughts about you I come up with + some of my fav music/books/movies/whatever of the year, and then wait a year and do a proper 2014 evaluation when you’re far enough in the rear-view mirror to be judged properly.


This is the first year since my debut 2005 that I haven’t written or published a book. This is a sad fact, but the only thing I really care about now is making sure that this is the first and the last time this happens.

But I did write stuff. Shorter things, like captions to my pictures and little compositions like that. And sometimes this shorter stuff touched people in different ways. Some laughed, some cried, some thought about things they never thought about before. And all this reminded me about the Power of Words, and it also reminded me why I love what I do so much.

A good friend said that he would bitch-slap me endlessly if I gave up writing. That warmed my heart. I haven’t quit. I just have a flat writing-tyre, and I need to fix it. I’ll be on the road soon again.

The second best compliment I got this year was “You’re so wonderfully demented it makes me happy” (thank you Jimmy!). The best one I’ll keep to myself.

I got kissed by a lesbian under the mistletoe (bi-curiosity works both ways it seems).

Keywords for this year: “HappySad”, “Kindness of strangers”, “Wanderlust”, “Changes”, “Finding your Home”.

As I said, didn’t write a lot, but I took a shitload of pictures (when I did the last end-of-the-year backup I counted 19 294 pics in the 2014-folder). What I never knew is what a wonderful storytelling instrument the camera can be. I’ve found myself using it more than the pen or the keyboard to tell the stories I have in my head. Another thing I also noticed with photography is that at some point you’ll find your own voice, and if you put enough of yourself in it you will connect with others that speak the same language. Something you’ll notice when the comments go from “nice light” and “cool angle” to “you have an old soul” and “this made me cry”. And when that happens it’s the same wonderful feeling as when you’re at a party and you see someone wearing a tee with that band you love but no one’s ever heard of, or when you’re being the only one completely mesmerized by a painting at a museum/gallery while everyone else just strolls past it … until you notice that someone is standing right beside you, also lost in what they see. That feeling. When you look at each other and share that knowing “You and I are the same”-smile, and you know that you have found a member of your Tribe.

And if my pictures have a language, it’s most likely polish. Don’t know why, but most of the people I have connected with this year are polish. Maybe I am too, just born in another country? So, dziękuję Poland!
(Honorable mentions to Russia, Croatia/Bosnia-Herzegovina and Italy).

Oh, and I’ve created a FB-page for my photography, and an Instagram account. Check them out, like, add, follow, sample, sniff, or ignore and go out and have a beer instead.

Physical changes of the Year: Got myself an absolutely-not-a-hipster beard (actually it’s more of an ambitious stubble). And got back to the jeans size I had in my teens (my secret trick? Worry too much to eat!). And still no need of reading glasses!

The Grim Reaper was on a roll. Too many people that really shouldn’t have passed away.

I’ve met a lot of people through my photography. Many of them became friends. Thank you, new friends, you really made my year. ♥

Peter Capaldi turned out to be an excellent 12th Doctor (no surprise there really). I truly enjoyed season 8 (and again identified very much with this brooding loner and madman with a blue box). And once again a lot of quotes from the show (most of them penned by Steven Moffat) felt like chapter titles from the Book of My Life. The one that resonated the most was probably “Sometimes the only choices you have are bad ones, but you still have to choose”.


Had two unexpected successes this year. One was when there was another case of victim blaming in a rape trial (“she wore sexy clothes/was drunk/had a reputation/was out late at night/etc”), and I dusted off an old satire piece I once wrote when this insanity pissed me off for the first time. In it I used the same type of victim blaming-reasoning on a bank robbery (“they wore expensive suits/everybody knows they have money there/if they don’t want to get robbed, then why do they have doors people can enter through?”). If you understand Swedish you can read the thing here. And that little satire piece got +200 000 hits in three days.
The other was when a pic I took of a rain soaked bench on a dark October evening became a Daily Deviation over at deviantART. It got almost 13 000 views, +2 000 favs and a shitload of comments. The funny thing is, it’s not even one of my personal favorites. 🙂

Hello October

My personal favorite is this. I got the phrase “If you cant keep up I’ll go alone” (a line from VERSA’s ‘Wanderlust’) stuck in my head, saw an image before me with that title, and set out to create it. Usually with all art, it never turns out as in your head (on a good day you get maybe halfway there, but mostly you just want to kill yourself and set the world on fire when you see the result), but this time it not only turned out exactly as I had imagined it, but even better! (Probably the first and last time that ever happened…)


Insights, lessons, memories and brain farts of the Year:

  • I’m partially color blind. I have to judge people by the music they listen to.
  • “We are only here briefly, and in this moment I want to allow myself joy.” (line from the movie ‘Her’)
  • I’m way too lazy to be bitter. (It’s soooo much easier to just shrug and move forward!)
  • Our mistakes help us find the persons and things that are right for us. So keep on making them!
  • My spirit animal is most likely a sleepy wombat.
  • I’m going to look at humanity as an art project. It makes way more sense that way. (Come to think of it, I probably make more sense as an art project too)
  • I want my own flag. An evil one, like the Albanian.
  • Talked to a researcher who had interviewed 1000 women about what they find attractive in a man. ‘Intelligence’ came in as no 12.
  • All the cool and awesome stuff are on the other side of fear.
  • Anagrams of ‘The meaning of life’: ‘The fine game of nil’ – ‘The engine of a film’ – ‘If no female, the gin’
  • The trouble is, you think you have time.
  • Life’s best lessons always taste a little bleurghy in the beginning, but the aftertaste is to die for.
  • You know you live in an interesting building when there’s blood spatter on the mailboxes.
  • You are never fully broken, you can always get back up again.
  • The upside to being as pale as I am, is that everyone will think that I look “so natural” at my open-casket funeral.
  • If I’d put all my FB-friends in the same room, there would be blood on the floor within 5 minutes.
  • Wait until you’re ready? That’s crazy talk!
  • Tortoises aren’t constructed to be horny on parquet floors.
  • Life is one big learning curve. First we have to learn how to crawl, walk, talk and use the bathroom. That’s the easy part. Later we have to learn not only to read, but to read between the lines and read what’s behind that smile; and not only to spell but when to say the right words and when to shut up. We have to learn how to fall in love, how to mend our broken heart and how to walk away from someone we don’t love any longer. We have to learn that the path to success is not a straight line, but more like some demented rollercoaster that you are riding backwards and in the dark. We have to learn how to keep going on when the dark tunnel never seems to end, and how not to worry about losing our happiness when we finally find it. And we have to learn how to let go, of anything and everything. Even life…


Enough of reflections. Let’s do lists and shit.

Music of the Year:
Anberlin, Betty Who, The Birthday Massacre, Broods, Devin Townsend Project, Florence + The Sphinx: Sumerian Ceremonials, iamamiwhoami, Imogen Heap, Ingrid Michaelson, Killer Be Killed, Lauren Aquilina, Machine Head, Night Terrors of 1927, Owl City, Periphery, Raunchy, Rae Morris, Slipknot, Upon A Burning Body, VERSA, Vertical Horizon.

Movies of the Year:
Her, Snowpiercer, The Grand Budapest Hotel, Edge of Tomorrow, The Babadook, The Raid 2, Guardians of the Galaxy.

TV of the Year:
Sherlock, Oddities, Helix, True Detective, Walking Dead, Hannibal, Game of Thrones, Penny Dreadful, Doctor Who, Constantine.

Books of the Year:
M.R. Carey: The Girl With All the Gifts, Hayley Campbell: The Art of Neil Gaiman, Caitlin Moran: How To Build A Girl, David Mitchell: The Bone Clocks.

Trailer of the year:
Ok, the new Star Wars-trailer was cool and exciting, but the one that made us all drop our jaws and be very very excited for 2015 was the surprisingly awesome first look at Mad Max : Fury Road. Hauntingly beautiful, really exciting, and maybe the best edited and paced movie trailer ever.


Acting of the Year (+ best scene of the Year):
Eva Green finally got to show all of her skills in the role of her life as Vanessa Ives in the brilliant show Penny Dreadful.



Listening to: Chelsea Lankes
Reading: Emily St. John Mandel: Station Eleven
Watching: Nothing
Feeling: Faith (the non-religious kind)