Peter X. Eriksson – writer & photographer

I’m writing this in my temporary room in Poland. I like it. It’s warm and cozy, I can make tea here, it got one of those fancy showers with a gazillion settings that can give you an accidental enema if you’re not careful, and it has a skylight so I can watch the sky, the moon and the stars through my roof.

What I’m doing in Poland? Well, that is sort of a long story, and since I’m still in the middle of it, it would be difficult to tell all of it now. It wouldn’t even end on a cliffhanger, it would end midsentence, and that’s just sucky storytelling. See this as a teaser for the upcoming full story that’s coming soon. But in short: I was on my way to London, was just going to stop here for a short while, but because, you know, ‘life’, I’m still here.

But as they say, “It didn’t go as planned, and that’s ok”. It’s an unexpected adventure I wouldn’t want to be without. I highly recommend to stay somewhere you never planned to be, and where you don’t speak the language, it makes you feel awake and alive. And whenever I use my Google Translate app – also amused. Ever since I accidentally bought buttermilk instead of ordinary milk, and had the worst cup of tea in my life (it tasted like expired beaver puke), I use that app on everything I’m not sure what it is. Problem is, as soon as the label isn’t in clear, well-spaced Arial, the app gets a bit confused. So far I’ve had soup with ‘dragon’ and ‘snake’ as ingredients, I’ve been instructed to add “a spoonful of monsters”, and the laundry detergent was “concentrated lawsuit”.

Pictures from Poland:

Being a stranger in a strange land also makes you think. In different ways, and on different things. Lately I’ve thought a lot about dreams.

Dreamers get a lot of crap. Get called naïve, lazy, having the head in the clouds and not being in touch with reality. That last bit is sort of half-true. Being a dreamer, I always see reality as a work in progress. There are always things that need to be changed, added or improved.

I think those who see dreamers in a negative way are non-dreamers that live under two delusions:
1. That everything around us has always been there, and popped into existence unaided, like a virgin birth.
2. That dreamers are lazy slackers that imagine that they can change the world, sleep ‘til noon, and get laid (not necessarily in that order) with their poetry/songwriting/interpretive dance/etc, while society have to pay their rent and bar tab.

The non-dreamers seem to forget that lightbulbs, iPhones, pacemakers, democracy, the kingdom of Sweden, space travels and the whoopee cushion all began as a dream in someone’s head. Someone took a long walk among their thoughts and saw something no one had ever seen before. Then got haunted by the idea to make the dream become a part of a new reality.

Dreamers have very selective vision, seeing possibilities very clearly, but limitations as some distant, irrelevant blur. ‘Unrealistic’ is just another word for ‘no one has tried hard enough yet’. Dreamers always think outside the box, because they didn’t even notice there was a box to begin with (they probably put wheels on it and turned it into an environmentally-friendly vehicle, driven by the waste heat from their optimism). Yes, dreamers do spend a lot of time in their heads, and it may look like laziness, but it enables them to change things. Even change the world. If it weren’t for the dreamers we would still sit in trees and ponder how to get some nutritional value from a rock.

You see, dreams are so very important. They are the most important ingredient to make amazing and important things happen. Not only in our world, but also in ourselves. If we don’t dream we will have no goal in life, and we will end up doing things for someone else’s dreams, and live the life of others. We need the dreams to be free and to fully become ourselves.
Dreams are the seeds that will change both us and the world. But not all by themselves, of course. Nothing can grow without a seed, but a seed will also need help to grow. Fortunately, there is a fairly simple formula for taking even the craziest idea out of the head and into the real world.
The formula is: dreaming + doing + not giving up = new amazing things.
All parts are important. And without doing and keep on trying until we succeed, the dreams will only stay in our heads, and slowly turn sour as they don’t become reality. But everything is possible when dreams and action meet. Everything.

No one said it was simple though. As someone who meddles in a bunch of creative areas I’m very familiar with the creative process:

1. This is awesome
2. This is tricky
3. This is shit
4. I am shit
5. This might be ok
6. This is awesome

This is true for all dreams and ideas. There will be self-doubt, there will be naysayers, and there will be obstacles. Things don’t go as planned, funds run out, mistakes are made, plans go pear shaped, accidents happen. It’s hard. But not the end. We only need to catch our breath, adjust and keep on going. Not give up. Try again. Fail again. Fail better. Make glorious mistakes, because they are valuable lessons, and it is a million times better than doing nothing. And by understanding this process, and keep going, there will be success.

Sometimes it can feel too hard when the obstacles never end, when the problems drains us and our energy runs out, and with it the hope. But all energy and hope returns. Despair is just a feeling. The dream and the possibilities are still there, just harder to see in the fog of exhaustion. Disappointments are just small clouds hiding the light for a short while. They’ll pass. Trust the initial belief. Trust your heart. Trust yourself. Get rid of the doubters and the pessimists. Let them crawl back to their branch and suck on that rock, while you take that dream about writing the world’s saddest love song/construct a bridge between Africa and Europe so all refugees can walk over safely/making a pizza with 14 kinds of cheese/whatever, and make it happen.

Go on, dream. Bring something to the world that wasn’t there before. Change it. Make it bigger and better. Leave your mark.

Listening to: Ryn Weaver and Fightstar
Reading: Stephen King: The Bazaar of Bad Dreams
Watching: Jessica Jones
Dreaming of: Pillow forts

Hello fellow Earthlings! (…or whatever planet you come from)

Just noticed that 2/3 of 2014 is behind me, and this year is clearly broken (did I save the receipt?) because so far it looks nothing like the one I had written down on my to-do list in January. Had all these plans about moving, writing novels & short stories, expand my publishing company Turtle Bite Books, do collaborations and lots of other stuff. What have I been doing so far? Taking photos. Shitloads of them.

Sure, it was amazing when I got my new camera last year. It was like going from banging on pots and pans to get a brand new shiny Mapex drum kit. I could finally do all that stuff I had envisioned in my head but never had the right tools to implement. But I never knew what a wonderful storytelling instrument the camera could be. Suddenly I found myself using it more than the pen or the keyboard to tell the stories I have in my head. Like the famous photographer Ansel Adams said: “When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs” (the quote continues: “When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.” But I’m still working on that bit…)

And of course my mad scientisty-brain began to wonder what would happen if you wrote a book in both words and pictures. I am currently working on that, and with some luck the result will be ready before the leaves turn.

It will be published as an e-book, because it’s the perfect format for this kind of book (and a physical full color print would cost me two kidneys and my sanity, the sanity isn’t much to lose at this point but it would be a bitch to pee without my kidneys).

Another thing I also noticed with photography is that at some point you’ll find your own voice, and if you put enough of yourself in it you will connect with others that speak the same language. Something you’ll notice when the comments go from “nice light” and “cool angle” to “you have an old soul” and “this made me cry”. And when that happens it’s the same wonderful feeling as when you’re at a party and you see someone wearing a tee with that band you love but no one’s ever heard of, or when you’re being the only one completely mesmerized by a painting at a museum/gallery while everyone else just strolls past it … until you notice that someone is standing right beside you, also lost in what they see. That feeling. When you look at each other and share that knowing “You and I are the same”-smile, and you know that you have found a member of your Tribe. Wonderlicious!

So, a big ‘Hello!’, a big hug and an even bigger ‘Thank you!’ to all the exciting people all over the world I’ve got to know through photography. You make my life better and I love you all!

In other news: Soon it will be the premiere of Doctor Who season 8, and our first look at Peter Capaldi as the 12^th Doctor. A quick explanation for you non-Whovians: The Doctor is an alien from planet Gallifrey, and they have a way to cheat death – the can regenerate their dying body to a new one. But while the intellect and the memories stays the same, the appearance and the personality changes. Every new regeneration must learn and come to terms with who he is. This is of course great for a tv-series – you can keep the core of the show, but still refresh it. And it’s very heartbreaking when you have to say goodbye to the old Doctor (I cried like a baby when Matt Smith’s 11^th Doctor said goodbye last December).

Anyway, as exciting as it is when your favorite tv-show is back, this time it feels extra special for me. I think one of the reasons I fell so hard for this show is because I can identify so well with The Doctor himself – a manic madman and a dark, brooding loner, both driven and playful. And this time it also feels like I’m in sync with his regeneration. This has been a year of big inner change for me. I think that I’m becoming a new man as well. There are new thoughts, new ideas, new attitudes, new rules. Things I used to say “Never!” at have become “Why not? Life is short”. And I believe that I also have to learn who this Peter is. (But I hope that I don’t have to ask the same question as The Doctor: “Tell me, am I a good man?”)

As a result of all this there are many other things in my head right now that wasn’t on my to-do list earlier. Things I’ve never thought about before. Exciting things. Strange things. Scary things. But as they say: If you’re not scared, it just means you’re not sticking out your neck far enough.

It will be very exciting to see what life looks like at the end of December. I really hope it includes travel. I’ve been stuck in the same place for too long, battling workloads, bitchslapping problems, sorting out chaos and other soul-sucking stuck-by-my-desk crap. Now I want to drag my ass out the door and see some new places, do different stuff and meet some new cool & exciting people. See ya then!

You can see my photography on Flickr, deviantART, Facebook and Instagram:

Listening to: Anberlin and Imogen Heap
Reading: Hayley Campbell: The Art of Neil Gaiman
Watching: Outlander
Mood: Wanderlust